this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
