They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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