Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
