seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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