just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
