So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Can vaginas get frostbite?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
