then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
