Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
