If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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