I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He felt like a one man threesome
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
