I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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