I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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