i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
