You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
