Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
