My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
