He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
