do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
