Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
