This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
