so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
