was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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