He asked me if I "almost moaned"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
