i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
