And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
