A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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