the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
