i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
