I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
