I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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