people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
