I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Randomize
