marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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