Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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