i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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