am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
