so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Less talking, more tequila
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
