i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
