Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
