Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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