ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
