My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
