i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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