do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
