it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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