guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
