I wanna bring you to show and tell
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
