Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
