whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
