We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
