I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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